


The King's Lover

by thorkified



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Character Death, Emotional Hurt, Heavy Angst, King!Lucifer, Little comfort, M/M, Minor Violence, Mpreg, Servant!Sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-16 13:14:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13054719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thorkified/pseuds/thorkified
Summary: Sam has been the king's lover for many years already and even though their relationship is a secret and forbidden, he loves Lucifer with all his heart. Even when he realizes he is pregnant and makes the most difficult and painful decision of his life, his love stays the same. He doesn't realize that this decision is what is going to destroy everything that was ever important to him.





	The King's Lover

**Author's Note:**

> The first fic for Angstmas, I hope it's a worthy start of this week of angst. Enjoy ♥

* * *

 

When Sam noticed the bulge under his nightgown he was mortified. He never thought this could happen - it was so very rare that a man got pregnant, it just never crossed his mind. His first instinct was to go to Lucifer and tell him, but that thought very quickly turned into a heavy stone in his stomach. No, he couldn’t do that. Lucifer was the king, their affair wasn’t only forbidden, but had the potential to damage his reputation, even cost him his crown that would then fall to his brother Michael, who would surely ruin this kingdom forever. Sam loved Lucifer with all his heart and he knew that their feelings were mutual, but he just couldn’t do that to him.

So, instead of sharing the news with his lover, Sam decided to leave. It was the hardest decision of his life, but it was the only one he could think of. There wasn’t much he took with him apart from the clothes he wore, but taking anything else from Lucifer felt wrong. They had been very happy together, that was enough of a treasure to keep, or so Sam hoped. He did take two things, however; the small golden necklace with the blue crystal Lucifer had gifted him three years ago when they began their relationship and the ring with Lucifer’s sigil engraved into a black stone, which Lucifer had once jokingly referred to as a symbol that Sam was his and his alone. When he left in the middle of the night, hiding in the shadows of buildings to not be seen, eventually making his escape unnoticed and silent.

Leaving the man he loved so much was nothing Sam was proud of, especially not without a word, but he knew that it was for the best in the end, as he didn’t want to be the reason Lucifer lost his throne and had his life destroyed. Sam never stayed in one town longer than he could without anyone recognizing him and eventually made it to the neighbouring kingdom, where he gave birth to a healthy little boy he named Damien. Despite promising to himself that he would give his life for the boy, however, it was Damien who died in his arms four years later after falling ill, something Sam never recovered from. He even sold the necklace from Lucifer to pay a doctor to help his son, but there was nothing he could have done.

After Damien’s death, Sam fell into a crippling agony. His loss was more than Sam could take after already losing Lucifer and now left him wandering around aimlessly. He barely ate or slept and kept talking to his dead son when he did, blaming himself for his death in the most torturous ways. It was a pathetic life he was pretending to live and every day he simply prayed that he would drop dead and that is would be over. This went on for almost a year and by then, Sam looked like a ghost of himself; pale and grayish skin, big dark circles under his eyes and the beauty that had been there only a few years ago long, long forgotten. Maybe that was the reason no one recognized him when he was imprisoned by guards for stealing bread. They threw him into a cell where Sam simply curled up as much as he could, refusing to speak even a single word.

They left him in the cell for almost a week, ironically supplying him with bread and water so he wouldn’t starve, before eventually someone entered the cell to check on him. The guard that came in was rough and brutal, grabbing Sam’s face and pulling him around to look for any markings of criminals they were looking for. Sam just let him, he didn’t care if they hung or beheaded him, everything was better than this life. The guard kept going, throwing Sam around like a ragdoll before he eventually stopped dead in his actions and grabbed for his hand.

A few moments nothing happened, then Sam was dragged out of the cell and into another, where the guard questioned him again and again about where he stole the ring from, but Sam didn’t answer. He simply shook his head and pressed the hand with the ring against his chest in fear they would take away the last thing that he had from his lover. Eventually, the guard gave up and left Sam alone, who crawled into one of the corners to make himself as small as possible again.

The next time someone entered the cell, the steps Sam heard were hesitant, almost cautious. He didn’t move, but listened closely to the mumbling a few feet away from him, waiting to be grabbed and thrown around again. The touch on his shoulder that followed, however, was gentle and careful, which made him curl up even more for some reason. Sam didn’t want to know what would come next and when he heard the word that was whispered in disbelief, his heart felt like a cold stone dropping into his stomach.

“Sam?”

He had not heard this voice in five years and it brought back painful memories, immediately causing his eyes to water when he was finally turned around to face the man behind him. There, not a day older than when he had left in the middle of the night, carrying his child, was Lucifer. Sam couldn’t protest or even move when he was pulled into the king’s arms, nor could he stop the tears that were rolling down his cheeks. He didn’t want to feel, didn’t want to be here in the arms of the man he had betrayed so horribly, but there was no way out of it.

Sam didn’t really realize how it happened, but he was led out of the cell just minutes after and brought into a carriage, Lucifer by his side and giving commands to the carter. It all felt like a strange dream that made his body numb and cold, despite the thick cloak Lucifer wrapped around him and his arms holding him tight. Sam didn’t understand the words the king was whispering or really felt the way his fingers touched his arms - for Sam there was just this dull ache that filled him completely.

When they arrived at the castle, Lucifer brought Sam into a warm and big chamber - not the one Sam had stayed in years ago, this was one for the royal family members - and ordered several maids to help Sam clean up and get dressed in something other than the ragged and dirty clothes he was wearing. As the maids did their job, Lucifer told Sam he would get him food and wine so he would regain his strength soon. Again, Sam barely listened and he just let the maids do what they had to do, uncaring about the way he looked or was presented. He still didn’t know if this was real or not, but someone the thought of this not being a dream hurt much more.

Eventually, the maids left and Sam sat on the bed with clean clothes - a simple shirt and trousers - and washed hair. His arms wrapped around his stomach, the former lover of the king was scared of how the other would react when he came back. He had never felt so guilty and miserable before, knowing that his secret would soon be revealed and he had to tell Lucifer the truth about what had happened. 

Lucifer came back shortly after, another servant following him to put a plate on the table next to the bed before leaving the two alone. Only now Lucifer stepped closer to the boy on the bed, kneeling in front of him between his legs and cupping his face tenderly.

“Sam… where have you been?” Lucifer asked quietly, wiping a few stray tears off Sam’s pale face with his thumb. “I tried to find you for so long.”

Sam wanted to answer, wanted to apologize or just say anything, but he couldn’t get a single word out. His throat was so tight that he could barely breathe, more tears running down his face and making it impossible to even see Lucifer. The king accepted his silence, however, and pulled Sam back into his arms and off the bed. They sat there for a long time, Lucifer holding Sam tight on his lap and Sam simply overwhelmed by his emotions and sadness, crying against his robes and clinging to them in sheer desperation. From time to time, Lucifer would brush over Sam’s head and place gentle kisses on his skin, which were followed by promises of how he would never let him go again and how he was safe and how he wasn’t mad or angry.

That night, Lucifer tucked Sam in himself and sat by his side until he had fallen asleep and long after that. In the morning, Sam was alone, but there was a sealed letter on the nightstand addressed at him. Carefully, the young man sat up and took the letter. It was, very unexpectedly, a promise that Lucifer would come back soon and that he hoped Sam slept well. It spoke how much the king had missed him and while Sam believed this to be true, the knowledge that he didn’t know half of the truth was eating him from the inside. The letter was signed with ‘in eternal love, your Lucifer’, which made Sam tear up once more. He hated himself for all the crying and this time wiped the tears away himself, determined to not ruin the letter with his tears.

Sam ate a little of the berries on his nightstand, but only enough to get rid of the pain in his stomach, before he pressed the letter to his chest and rolled to the side again, almost immediately falling back asleep. It felt like he had not slept at all over the last year, so it was not surprising that his exhaustion was intense. Some time later, the brush of a familiar hand on his had woke Sam up slowly.

“Did you sleep well, my dearest?” Lucifer asked warmly and pressed a soft kiss on Sam’s forehead.

Sam sat up slowly, nodding at the question. He looked at Lucifer cautiously, the letter still pressed to his chest and feeling utterly lost.

“You don’t have to be scared, Sam,” Lucifer promised him, a hand taking the boy’s. “I am so glad to see you alive, I feared you were dead and that I would never see you again.”

“I…” Sam’s voice cracked immediately, his throat tightening again at the mere thought of words, but he knew he had to say something. And he wanted to. “I apologize… I didn’t mean to worry you…”

Lucifer’s face lightened up slightly when he heard Sam’s voice, a soft smile appearing on his lips as he caressed his hand.

“Don’t apologize, please. I’m just happy to have you back, I don’t care for anything else.”

Sam tried to smile, but there was no way to force his face to obey. An icy hand clutched around his heart at Lucifer’s words and the memory of the reason he left.

“I love you Sam, please never doubt that,” Lucifer continued, taking Sam’s hand tighter into his and covering it with the other. “I will never stop loving you and nothing could ever change that, I promise.”

“What if…” Sam sniffed, cursing himself for his inability to speak properly. “What if I did something horrible… something unforgivable?”

“Nothing you did can ever change my feelings for you,” Lucifer assured him again. 

The king leaned closer, almost towering over Sam before bringing their lips together in what felt like a life-long dream coming true for the boy. Despite his anguish, this touch he had missed for so long took some of the pain in his heart away from him. Lucifer’s arm wrapped around Sam’s waist, lifting him up a little and pressing them together. It felt like the kiss lasted forever and somehow Sam wished it would have, because when Lucifer pulled back it was as if he was losing him all over again.

“My beautiful Sam,” Lucifer coed, brushing over the boy’s cheek gently. “I missed you so much, you have no idea. I thought you would not love me anymore and wanted to leave, I never dreamed of finding you again.”

“No… Lucifer, no…” Sam whispered and shook his head, unable to find a way to explain. “I didn’t stop loving you… I never did, but I couldn’t stay… you don’t understand.”

“It’s okay, Sam,” Lucifer promised and pressed another kiss on his lips. “You’re here, it’s all good. You have all the time in the world, now you need rest and sleep.”

“I’m sorry, Lucifer,” Sam mumbled and leaned into the touch on his face. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, you have to know that…”

“I know, Sam, of course. It’s all good, I promise.”

Sam knew it wasn’t all good, but he didn’t tell Lucifer. He was overwhelmed to be back in Lucifer’s arms and that he said he wasn’t angry with him, but he knew that he would be if he told him the truth about his absence. Right now, however, he didn’t have the strength to tell him. Not yet. He knew that he would have to eventually, of course, but for a short time he just wanted to not think about it.

Over the next two weeks several doctors checked on Sam to see if he suffered from any injuries or illnesses, always closely watched by Lucifer’s eagle eyes so that no more harm would be done to his boy. Physically, Sam was healthy, even though he was malnourished and weak - nothing proper food and care would not fix though. Lucifer was pleased to hear this and made sure that Sam had everything he needed in order to recover. Whenever he could he was beside his lover, whispering love affirmations and showering him with affections and kisses. He noticed that Sam was hesitant and still scared, so he never went any further, but he took every chance to assure Sam of his love, which surely helped the boy heal somehow.

One evening, however, when Lucifer didn’t come to him at the usual time, Sam got a little worried. He didn’t leave his chamber normally, only once Lucifer had taken him to the gardens so he could catch some sun, but he still remembered the castle from his time here, so he was optimistic to find him. Sam sneaked through the corridors, towards the king’s chamber, when he heard noises from behind a corner suddenly. he held his breath and peeked around it, hoping it would just be some of the maids he knew already. What he saw in the candlelight though made his heart stop as soon as he realized what he was witnessing.

It was Lucifer, but he wasn’t alone. A beautiful and ravishing looking woman had her arms wrapped around him, kissing him passionately, almost devouring his face with her mouth. She was shamelessly making out with the king, not muffling the sounds they made in the slightest and Sam could see Lucifer’s hands on her too - roaming her slender body under the corset she was wearing. Sam felt ice cold, as if someone had just ripped his heart out of his chest, and things got much worse when the woman suddenly locked eyes with him over Lucifer’s shoulder. It was clear that she knew Sam was watching and that she enjoyed it, even kissing Lucifer harder while keeping her glare at him.

Sam couldn’t handle any more of this. He covered his mouth to not make a sound and fled the scene, basically running back to his chamber and slamming the door shut behind him. Only now he allowed his tears to fall as he crawled under the covers of his bed, wrapping the blankets around himself as tight as he could while sobbing into the pillows unrestrained. He didn’t think he could ever feel so hopelessly crushed again. Lucifer had spoken about undying love and how he would never stop loving him and in the same breath he already had a woman to come back to every night. Sam felt nauseous just thinking about them and once again just wished he would just die so this nightmare of a life would be over finally.

When the expected knock on his door came a few minutes later, Sam curled up even more instead of answering and pressing his face so deep into the pillows that barely a sound was coming from him anymore. Lucifer came into his chamber as always, sitting at the edge of his bed.

“Sam? What’s wrong? Do you feel sick?” He sounded genuinely worried, which only made Sam feel even worse under the sheets.

“Go away,” Sam said, his voice broken and thick from the tears. “Just go back to your whore and leave me alone.”

He knew that his words were harsh, but he didn’t care at the moment. He was hurt and felt betrayed, as if he was just a toy to be kept for some entertainment. Over all these years Sam had never taken another man - or woman for that matter - because his heart solely belonged to Lucifer and he had truly believed this feeling was mutual. Now he realized how naive this belief was.

“Sam, I can explain,” Lucifer sighed and laid a hand on Sam’s back, who immediately jerked away. “It’s not what you think, you have to listen to me, please.”

“How is it not what I think?” Sam huffed and sat up angrily. “I saw you! I saw her eating your face and you enjoyed it, don’t lie to me. And she knew I was there!”

“You’re right, but I don’t love her, you have to believe me. It’s just a relationship for convenience, nothing more.”

“You don’t have to pretend to care for me, Lucifer,” Sam mumbled and turned away from the king. “You’re not obliged to care for me, you never were.”

“Stop it with this nonsense,” Lucifer said and grabbed one of Sam’s hands, forcing him back around. “I don’t pretend to care for you, I do! Lilith is just show, nothing more. My father forced me into a relationship with her so he can get his precious heir to the throne, this isn’t about love, it never was.”

“Heir… to the throne? Does that mean she’s…” Sam’s voice died before he could finish his question and when Lucifer nodded, he thought that his heart would explode inside his chest. He broke out into tears, clinging to Lucifer like a drowning man and completely losing himself. Lucifer didn’t know what happened, why Sam suddenly acted so awfully destroyed, but he held him the best he could, trying to soothe him to no avail.

For Sam, the world had just ended. He had lost the love of his life, their child and everything that ever meant anything to him and now there was a trophy wife that carried Lucifer’s child - a child that would be born and would survive and that wouldn’t die from a preventable illness in the arms of the one that loved it most. It was just too much to handle for Sam, he couldn’t stop crying even though it felt like he was dying and he wanted nothing more than that. He knew that their child would have never had a chance to be anything but a servant’s illegitimate bastard, but it wasn’t fair that he had to die when he was a child of love and this child, which was not, would live. Now, more than ever before, Sam felt the blood on his hands, knowing that he was the one who had taken their son’s life in the end, without anyone but him even knowing of his existence. He had murdered him by running away, by being unable to help him when he needed him the most and didn’t even have the strength anymore to tell Lucifer about the child he lost without knowing it.


End file.
